


On the Outside

by tellthenight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kid!Fic, musician!Meg, single parent, teacher!Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 01:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6883429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellthenight/pseuds/tellthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meg Masters had a budding music career until she stepped up to take care of her sister Ruby's daughter while Ruby serves a prison term. Meg has been holding it together with the help of her best friend Cas, but the stress is wearing on her. When her niece Jane gets sick and has to go to the hospital, it changes the dynamic of her relationship with both Jane and Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Outside

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [Trekchik](http://www.trekchik.tumblr.com) for great art and thank you to [messier51](http://www.messier51.tumblr.com) for beta reading to weed out all my weird and MASSIVE amounts of cheerleading.

“Is it almost our turn?” Jane asked. **  
**

“I don’t know. Play your game,” Meg said.

Jane went back to her iPod and sighed. It was always such a long wait for a short unpleasant visit. But she brought Jane faithfully to see her mother and hoped it was the right thing to do.

An officer opened the door and called a few names. People stood from stiff chairs, mostly adults- mostly mothers from the look of it. Jane was one of only a few children, but their name wasn’t called in this group. Jane started to swing her legs and Meg grabbed her knee.

“Hold still,” she said.

“Leave me alone,” Jane muttered.

Meg glared, but let go and Jane took up swinging her legs again, with a sideways glance of annoyance to accompany it. Whatever. Meg moved over a seat to avoid getting hit and spewing her anger on her neice.

“Masters?”

Meg tapped Jane on the arm and stood up. Jane followed, eyes still glued to her iPod.

Every last item into lockers, then checked for any contraband and finally into a room with several tables spread out. There were a few in use already, but not many today. Meg and Jane went to sit where the officer pointed them so they could wait again.

“Janey. You’re bigger.” Ruby sat down opposite them. Meg nudged Jane and Jane forced a grim smile.

“Yep,” Jane said.

“So why are you here this time?” Ruby asked.

Meg scoffed. “So you can see Jane. Why else do you think?”

“Well, last time you came it was to tell me mom died, so I didn’t know. Anyone else die, Janey?”

“No one died.” Meg rolled her eyes. “Be a fucking human being for once.”

Ruby leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t swear in front of my kid.”

“Ruby-”

“Okay, okay. So tell me about her grades or shit like that.”

“Jane, want to tell your mom about school?” Meg asked.

“Do I have to?”

Meg leaned over to whisper in her ear. “Let’s just tell her and we’ll get out of here for ice cream.”

Jane stared her in the eye, then looked at her mother. “Cas is my teacher this year.”

Ruby laughed. “Your Clarence? That’s a riot.”

“He’s a good teacher.”

“Yeah,” Jane said harshly, daring her mother to argue.

Ruby looked between the two of them and shook her head. “Fine. Hope you’re learning all your ABCs, Janey.”

“Don’t call me that,” Jane hissed.

Ruby leaned across the table, dark eyes zeroed in on the little girl. “I always call you Janey. Don’t talk back.”

Jane shrunk in on herself and Meg put an arm around her. Ruby laughed.

“What have you done to her that she’s all touchy about a name. You gonna’ cry?” she asked Jane.

“Stop it.” Meg said. “You can at least be nice for the ten minutes we’re here.”

Ruby shook her head, a sly smile growing on her face. “At least I’m being me. You’re the one being all fake Mother Teresa with her in front of me.”

“Someone has to raise your daughter.”

“Yeah, well, fuck you the way you’re messing her up.” Ruby stood up. “Janey, you come back and see me when you aren’t a crybaby anymore.”

Meg swore under her breath as Ruby went back to the officer and back through the secured doors that led to her cell. Jane sat silent next to her, tears glistening on her cheeks and Meg had to pull her out of the seat. “We’ll get ice cream on the way back.”

In the car Jane put her earbuds in and ate her ice cream and stared out the window in the back seat. Meg drove with nothing playing. It was hit or miss with Ruby. She could pull it together to pretend she liked her kid some of the time, but there were visits like this where she was her usual shitty self and that’s when Meg felt guilty for making Jane go. Maybe it was wrong to make her? But there was another part of Meg that felt like she had to at least try to help Jane have some sort of relationship with her mother, even if it wasn’t a good one.

“I don’t want to see her again,” Jane said suddenly after licking a drip from the side of her cone.

“I know. But she’s your mom.”

“She’s mean,” Jane said.

“Yeah, I know.” There wasn’t another way around it. Jane knew what Ruby was- even some of the drug addiction details that Meg’s mother hadn’t bothered to hide from her. Eight years old and Jane already knew all about life with an addict.

“I have to work tonight so Cas is coming over.” Meg said.

Jane ignored her, earbuds back in place. Meg rolled her eyes for no one else to see. She didn’t have her own kids for a reason. But now she had Jane, and she’d do her best.

 

***

 

“After dinner you need to read for twenty minutes,” Meg said as she pulled formerly-frozen chicken nuggets and french fries from the oven and set the tray on the stove top.

“I don’t want to.”

“It’s for school,” Meg said. The door opened and Cas came in, backpack on his shoulder and a few grocery sacks in one hand.

“I don’t want to!” Jane yelled, and stomped to her room.

“Well, that’s quite a mood,” Cas put the grocery bags up on the counter.

“We saw Ruby today.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have gone with you.” Cas said. “Hey, let me do that so you can get ready.”

Meg rolled her eyes. “I can put the kid’s dinner together,”

“Not saying you can’t,” Cas said. “Just go get ready so you won’t be late.”

Meg grumbled her way to the bathroom to finish her makeup. Playing was different than bartending and she wanted to look every bit the part when she took the stage. Dark eyeliner, smokey eyeshadow blended, and crisp lipstick defined the look between her dark waves.

By the time she went to her bedroom to get dressed and grab her gear Cas had coaxed Jane from her room and was trying to get her to sit and eat dinner. Meg hauled her bass and amp out to the front door and shook her head. Cas was so much better with Jane than she was. He could get her to do just about anything, and without having to promise her the moon.

“Take the bed tonight, Cas. I’ll crash on the couch.”

“I’m not taking your bed.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You don’t even fit on my couch.”

“I do just fine, thanks.”

“Cas-”

Cas got up from the table and hefted her amp. “Let’s go.” He glanced over at Jane, “I’ll be right back, okay?”

Meg followed him to the elevator, glaring the whole way down. She unlocked her little toyota and slid her bass across the back seat while Cas loaded the amp in the back.

“Are you really not going to talk to me because of the couch situation?”

She slammed the door to the backseat and Cas laughed. “I’ll see you later,” he said.

Meg got in the car and watched him walk back into the building before she left. Cas was her best friend in the world, but jesus christ he aggravated her sometimes, especially when she was tired. Before she took in Jane she was never this goddamn exhausted and never had to see her junkie sister. She never really saw Jane much either. When Ruby went to prison, four-year-old Jane had gone to live with her grandmother, Lilith, and since Meg had absolutely no desire to see her mother for the rest of her life she hadn’t seen Jane either. But then Lilith had to go and have a fucking heart attack, leaving Jane without a guardian. So Meg had stepped in. Ruby had no clue who the father was, and Meg was the only family left to take her. As much as Meg didn’t want to add a kid to her life it wasn’t right to let Jane go into foster care either. She and Jane had been together for a few months, but it wasn’t smoothing out like everyone said it would.

Her drive to Crowley’s felt farther than usual. At least she was playing instead of tending bar. Meg’d had enough of the way Crowley looked at her. At least when she was playing on stage she could see all the other eyes on her- the ones that wanted her in generally better ways than how Crowley saw her. To him she (and everyone else that worked for him) was someone to use. They both knew it in spite of his genteel way of talking around the subject.

Meg was only a little late by the time she dragged the amp and her case in. She’d never seemed to conquer the minute-to-minute time management so many other people seemed to have and Josie would make her pay.

“Thought I was going to have to call someone else in and fire your ass,” Josie said as they prepped the stage. There weren’t many people there yet. They wouldn’t load in heavy until a little before the time the live music was supposed to start.

“Don’t get yourself in a twist, Josie.”

Josie turned narrow eyes on her. “Abaddon.”

“I’ve known you since we were eleven. I’m not going to call you by a stage name unless we’re actually on the goddamn stage during a show.”

Josie flipped her off and moved on to checking mic stands and tuning her guitar. The drummer was finishing with his kit- he was new, some no name that was hoping to get in Josie’s pants. The keyboard guy was already in her pants, but as soon as Josie’s interest waned she’d replace him with someone else. Meg was the only person Josie kept around- partly because Meg was a good bass player but mostly because she was the only one who could tolerate Josie.

Meg tuned her bass, plugged in and set up in the stand. They went “backstage” to wait the ten minutes or so before the show started so they could make the kind of grand entrance Josie prefered even though all they were doing was playing at a bar.

“Meg, love,” Fergus Crowley, the owner of the bar came on. “Glad to see you playing tonight, but it’s better to see you behind the bar. Brings in the customers.”

“They can come see me play.” Meg said.

“But they don’t buy more drinks when you play, do they?” Crowley said, eyeing her up and down. “They buy more when you’re flirting behind the counter.”

“You got that all wrong. I don’t flirt when I tend bar.”

“Must be all your vague hostility then,” Crowley said. “We both make more on the Saturday nights you bartend rather than playing.”

Meg didn’t need to be told twice. She was just trying to keep playing somewhere. Since she’d taken Jane in her music career had skidded to a halt. “You just don’t want anyone else looking at me up on the stage.”

“I can always find another live band for Saturday nights.”

“She’ll do it,” Josie said loudly. “I can find someone else.” Meg glared and Josie smiled.

“Good. Next Saturday, behind the bar then.” Crowley left and Meg wheeled around on her supposed friend.

“What is wrong with you? I haven’t been playing dive bars with you all this time for you to ditch me the second Crowley says-”

“I’m not letting you hold me back any more, Meg. That’s all you do.” Josie turned her attention on the other bandmates.

“Come on. Stage time.” Josie hit her arm to get her attention and Meg followed her onto the stage as Crowley announced them. A few clicks from the drummer and they were in playing. Meg had trouble settling in on the first few bars, but then she found a place where she could push out her worries and just play.

She saw him in the middle of the third song. He sat at one of the tables farther from the stage, but he watched her so intently she felt like he could be standing right next to her. His tall friend was talking to him, but he only nodded along as he kept close watch on her. That guy wasn’t the first to stare, nor would he be the last. It felt different though, for some reason. Most guys stared in a lecherous, filthy way, but this one seemed… sincere.

At the beginning of the next song she played strong and proud to lead in and when it settled back into a steady beat and Josie started singing Meg offered her gawker a smirk. He broke into a small smile when he blushed and turned to his friend to talk for a moment. That’s what she liked to do best- shake them up and leave them off balance. Most of them wouldn’t talk to her after that. She knew how to be intimidating despite her size.

Meg caught him watching her again, but he seemed to have learned his lesson. He stole smaller looks while he talked to his friend, but after a while he watched again with that unnerving gaze of his. Meg tried to ignore him through the end of the set, focusing instead on Josie.

Josie--Abaddon--announced the end of the set and that they’d be back on shortly. The crowd cheered for them as Meg set her bass in its stand and exited with her bandmates. What she really needed was a drink. She left Josie flirting with her boys and headed to the bar, ducking behind the counter to pour for herself. Andy was working that night and he smiled nervously around her while he filled orders.

“You sound good tonight,” he said.

“We sound good every night,” Meg shot back with a smirk . She raised her glass to him and started back through the crowd to the little room they called “backstage”.

“Hello.”

The nervous voice made her sneer, but when she turned to it she recognized her gawker- not so much from the curly dark hair or his beard, but from the way he looked at her.

“You were watching me,” Meg said.

“You’re very good. I enjoyed watching you play.”

“Well, thanks.”

“I, uh... I’m Chuck. What’s your name?”

Meg laughed low and quick. “Like I’m going to tell you my name.”

He blushed and ducked his head. “Sorry. I just- I would like to talk to you but would prefer to know your name first.”

“Chuck, is it?”

“Yes.”

Meg’s eyebrow quirked. “I don’t go out with guys I meet in bars.”

“I’m not-”

“I don’t think so, angel.” Meg winked before she walked off, but when she made it to the tiny room where Josie was making out with her keyboardist friend. The drummer had abandoned the room too. Meg drank and set her glass down firmly on the table to notify the couple of her presence. They startled apart, but Josie pulled her boy toy back quickly. “It’s just Meg.”

“And Meg wants to actually fucking rest before we go back out,” Meg snapped back.

 

***

 

Meg opened the door as quietly as she could. Cas would be sleeping on the couch no matter how many times she told him to take her bed on the nights he stayed with Jane. She propped the door with the amp so she could get her bass into the bedroom and then the amp after. The door shut with a thud behind her.

“Mother fucking jesus-”

“Oh it’s you,” Cas’s deep voice rumbled from the couch. “Now I don’t have to get up and defend the apartment.”

“I told you to take the bed.”

“And I chose the couch.” Cas sat up, blinking in the dim light.

“I’m sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep.” Meg started to drag the amp across the room, but Cas stood up and took it from her with one hand.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked as he positioned the amp in the corner of Meg’s bedroom.

“Nothing.”

“Something. You apologized to me a second ago.” He sat heavily on the end of the bed, making the mattress bounce.

“Nothing. Just Crowley... and Josie-” Meg turned away. Cas wouldn’t be able to see her face flushed in the dark, but she wasn’t going to risk it.

“What happened?”

“I’m not playing at Crowley’s any more. He only wants me at the bar.”

“And Josie went along with it?”

“So she could keep the job, yeah.”

Cas groaned. “Ah, that…”

“Bitch. Say it, Clarence. Bitch.”

Cas squeezed her around the shoulders. “You haven’t called me that in a long time.”

“I can call you bitch more often if you like.”

Cas laughed soft and low. “No. Clarence.”

Meg slumped. That was probably true. No time for snark and sarcasm when your life lights on fire. She’d had to find a bigger place on short notice to take Jane in, pick up more shifts and slow down on how many auditions she could do to adapt. And Cas, well, he was a huge help, but that took a lot of adjustment too.

“Hey,” Cas said. “It’ll be okay.” He pressed a kiss to her temple and Meg sighed.

“I’m going to grab a shower. Go back to sleep. Take the bed.”

“Like that’s going to work on me,” Cas said with a grin.

Meg collected her clothes and Cas was practically snoring by the time she passed him on her way to the shower. She turned the water on in the tub to heat up while she brushed her teeth and undressed. She tried not to think about anything but being dropped from the band, but she was so angry about it that she couldn’t push it out. Meg stepped under the water.

She’d look for some more auditions, call around and see if anyone had heard of any possibilities. Maybe someone would know of a group looking for a permanent addition. Even something temporary would be better than not being able to play at all. Or a day gig- that would be even better. If Meg could get a daytime recording gig while Jane was at school that would be ideal. No more of Cas giving up half his nights to help her out, sleeping on her couch and waking up with a stiff neck. She’d taken too much from him already over the years, and he’d happily stepped up and asked to do more when Jane fell in her lap.

Meg dressed and dried her hair with a towel. She checked her phone; it was a little after four in the morning. If she could get to sleep reasonably soon she had a chance at getting the mythical eight hours everyone is supposed to get. Cas was taking Jane out to some museum thing for the morning.

Cas had an arm thrown over his eyes and his legs hanging over the arm of the couch when she passed by. Once upon a time she thought she and Cas might be a thing, at least for a little while. Meg Masters didn’t do actual relationships, but it became clear pretty quickly that Cas was a guy who committed deeply and that wasn’t something she wanted to get involved with. She couldn’t exactly say why Cas was still around except that they thought the same things were funny and he seemed to like her exactly as she was. She’d never met anyone else who could take her shit all the time and seem to enjoy it. He teased her back with his own brand of sarcasm and it worked between them.

At first she wanted to get him into bed, but it didn’t take long to figure out that he was

Meg shook her head. “Told you to take the bed,” she muttered.

 

***

 

“Come on. I have to go in early tonight.” Meg herded Jane toward the elevator. “Cas will be here in a minute and I still have to change.”

“I’m tired. It was too long a day,” Jane whined.

“Same as any other school day.” The door opened and Meg punched the button for their three. The doors closed slower than usual.

“It was worse! I had to run at gym time and-”

“And you’re fine.” Meg sighed. “When we get in there I need you to get your homework started. Cas is going to make you dinner and I need to get-”

“I don’t want to do more homework!”

“Don’t interrupt, okay? I still have to get ready.”

They hit their floor and it took a long moment before the doors separated. Meg rushed her niece down the hall and inside.

“Homework at the table, okay?”

“I don’t want to-”

“Just sit down and do your fucking homework,” Meg snapped. She escaped to her bedroom, grabbing clothes and trying to calm down. It was always so hectic trying to get everywhere with Jane on Tuesdays in time for work, and having to go in early.

She heard tapping on her door and turned around, prepared to face Jane a little more calmly, but Cas stood in the narrow gap. “You okay?”

“Shit. Yeah.”

“Just wanted you to know I’m here,” Cas said, and slipped back out, closing the door behind him. Meg changed quickly. Jane and Cas were on the couch together when she went to the bathroom to do her makeup, and by the time she came back out Jane had one of her school books open and Cas had his nose in the fridge.

“I’ll be late. Take the bed,” Meg said as she opened the door to the hall.

“Hey,” Cas glanced at Jane then followed Meg into the hall. “Don’t worry about it. She knows you were in a hurry-”

“Don’t make excuses for me being a bitch,” Meg said.

“Meg, come on,” Cas started, but Meg was already walking down to the elevator. She didn’t need Cas to act like she was better than she was. She wasn’t even cut out to be a casual fun aunt, much less a parent type who made sure homework got done and vegetables eaten. She jammed the elevator button a couple times, but it didn’t even pretend like it was on its way back to her.

“Fuck you, too, she hissed and went for the stairs. She didn’t have life figured out before Jane showed up, but at least she was able to make some sort of progress in her musical pursuits when her time was her own. Now that she had Jane she had to keep a decent schedule for school and eat regular meals and try to fit sleep in around it all… she was never going to get anywhere again. Maybe Crowley taking her one night a week on stage away from her was a sign.

Meg pulled into Crowley’s a couple minutes late and glared at Andy when he opened his mouth.

“Kid?” he asked after she’d settled in.

“Isn’t it always?”

“It’s a good thing you’re doing, though,” Andy said.

“Don’t talk to me. Don’t even say goodbye when your goddamn shift’s over.”

Andy slunk to his side of the bar and Meg hoped he’d stay there for the rest of the night. What she needed was a quiet night. Crowley didn’t often come in mid-week and they only had live music on the weekends. Meg served drink after drink, talking as much as she had to get a tip, but if a customer seemed particular chatty she sent Andy their way.

“Nice to see you again.”

Meg looked over the bar to see her admirer from the weekend. He grinned at her, obviously nervous. “Remember me?”

“Yeah,” Meg hoped he’d catch on quick with her short responses.

“So, I’m glad I caught you here. I was trying to find out who you are so I could-”

“Nothing’s changed, pal.”

His face dropped. “What do you mean?”

“I still don’t date guys from the bar, Chuck.”

“Oh, no. No! I--I--I-”

Meg rolled her eyes as Chuck sputtered and she grabbed Andy by the arm. “Hey, this is Andy. He can help you tonight.”

Meg walked to the other end of the counter under the guise of talking to customers seated there. She asked if anyone needed anything, then found ways to feign busy-ness until Chuck left.

 

***

 

Meg turned the knob on the apartment door as slowly as she could to avoid the typical thunk and then squeezed through the smallest opening she could manage to avoid the unpredictable squeaking of the hinges. She kept the knob turned as she closed the door back and locked it. It was darker than the last night she’d worked into the wee hours, and she moved a little slower. The least she could do after walking out on Cas in a huff was keep from waking him this time.

She peeked over the top of the couch, but it was empty. Meg made her way to Jane’s door, heart thumping, but Jane was sound asleep in her bed. No way he actually--but there was Cas, passed out in her bed. She smiled at him before gathering her clothes and heading for the shower. Meg closed the bathroom door before she flicked on the light. A note hung from the middle of the mirror.

_My legs keep going numb on your couch and I have to teach tomorrow. You can have your bed back tomorrow. I’ll take Jane to school in the morning so you can sleep as late as you want. I’ll plan to bring her home too unless you text me differently._

Meg laughed to herself. Numb legs was as good a reason as any for him to actually listen to her for once.

 

***

 

Meg woke to a quiet apartment. She stretched on the couch and wondered how the hell Cas had gotten Jane ready for school and out of the house without waking her up. He was way better at this stuff than she was.

She made a pot of coffee and took her time with it for the first time in months. God… who knew when it would happen again? Jane would be home for the summer soon, and she’d have to figure out what to do with her then. Cas always taught summer school--maybe Jane could do that as well? And after that when they still had another month or two off Cas sometimes found a second job, sometimes not-

 _Stop. It’s not his job to have her so I can sleep or work or…_ Meg poured herself a second cup and went back to the couch. She turned on the TV for the noise. Something so she felt a little less alone. She had calls to make if she was going to try to find somewhere else to play. Meg grabbed her phone from the coffee table and went through her contacts. Alastair might know of someone, and if she really had to she could call Lucifer. She sent a few texts and thought through what she could get done that day since she didn’t have to work that night and she still had a few hours until Jane got home from school.

Meg got up and gathered laundry in Jane’s room for the machine. One of the good things that came out of moving to the new apartment was not having to go to a laundromat any more, or even downstairs to shared machines. Having their own machine made that one task seem a million times easier.

She dumped Jane’s clothes in and then went to her own room to grab her own laundry. Cas’s overnight bag sat on top of the dresser. Meg wondered absently if he’d forgotten it or if it was too much to worry about on his way out with Jane that morning.

Once the washer was running Meg started picking up. It was mostly Jane’s stuff, but with Cas staying over a lot of things were out of place as they all tried to keep quiet for whoever was sleeping at the time.

Her phone rang and Meg didn’t recognize the number.

“This is Meg,” she said.

“Hey. Hi. Uh…”

No. Not that guy from the bar. “Who gave you this number?” She demanded.

“Uh, a guy named Andy? At--at--at the bar?”

“Way to go-- you just got a guy killed. “ Meg hung up on him and flopped back on the couch. She actually got along with Andy okay if he didn’t talk too much. It was a shame she’d have to bury him.

Her phone chirped a text alert and Meg didn’t want to check it. If Chuck was fucking texting her…

**Cas: idk if you’re awake yet... Jane is in the nurse’s office. She’s not feeling well and I think she has a fever. They might call you.**

_Great._ The day was looking okay until the Chuck call and if Jane was sick… well, at least she didn’t have to work that night. Meg decided to get dressed just in case she had to go get Jane, and her phone rang with a call from the school before she even had a chance to pick out clothes

 

***

 

Jane fell asleep in the car on the way home. Poor kid looked terrible with her flushed cheeks and bright eyes. Meg had to wake her and help her walk into their building. She was too big for Meg to carry, and she started crying in the elevator.

“We’re almost there, okay?” Meg said. She could deal with a lot of shit, but not crying.

Jane nodded and leaned hard into Meg’s side. “My stomach hurts.”

“Okay, just don’t hurl in the elevator. We’re almost there.”

“Not like that. Like it really hurts.”

“Okay,” Meg said, as the elevator doors opened. “I don’t really know what that means, but okay.” She helped Jane down the hall and stopped for tylenol for the fever before she got Jane into bed. Jane was asleep before Meg could get the blankets over her and Meg left the door to her room open. One less hurdle in case there was vomit later. She moved the laundry to the dryer and continued with the other chores she’d started earlier.

She was surprised an hour later when a key turned in the lock and Cas came in. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Checking on you. Is Jane okay?”

“Sleeping. And you didn’t need to come.”

“Meg, I know you’re stressed, but you’ve been short with me lately. Did I do something-”

“No, you didn’t fucking do anything. I’m just…” Meg shrugged. “I don’t know. You should go home. Sleep in your own bed for once.”

Cas watched her and Meg squirmed under his stare. When they had first met it was kind of creepy the way he became so focused, but she was mostly used to it after several years of exposure.

“I want to help,” he said. “So I’m going to stay here.”

Meg scoffed. “Just like that?”

“Just like that.” Cas grinned and sat next to Meg on the couch. “Will she eat, you think? I bought soup the other day.”

“She fell asleep in the car and again the second I got her in bed. I don’t know if she’ll be up for a while.”

“Well, what do you want to have? We can get a pizza or-”

A loud cry interrupted him and they were both off the couch in an instant.

Jane was curled up on her side, tears pouring down her face.

“What hurts?” Cas asked.

“My stomach. It’s so bad!”

Meg glanced at Cas. “Are you going to throw up?”

“No… it just hurts.”

Cas leaned over her and brushed her dark bangs back from her face. “Jane, can you point to where it hurts?”

Jane grimaced, but rubbed her belly over on the right side.

“On the side?” Cas asked. “Not in the middle?”

Jane shook her head, face still screwed up with pain.

Cas turned to Meg and lowered his voice. “I think we might need to take her to the emergency room.”

Meg’s eyes widened. “For a stomachache? Why?”

“I think it could be appendicitis.”

“Do kids even get that?”

“I don’t think it happens often, but I think it’s the kind of thing we should get her checked out for.”

“ER is expensive, Cas.”

“I know, but…” Cas looked over at Jane. “I’ll cover whatever medicaid doesn’t. I really think she needs to go.”

What did she know about any of this? “Christ… okay. Let’s do it.”

“Grab your stuff, I’ll get Jane,” Cas said. Meg went for shoes first, collected her purse and double checked that she had Jane’s medicaid card. Maybe it wouldn’t cost so much, wouldn’t be as bad as she thought.

“You okay?” Cas asked and Meg realized she was standing in the middle of the living room staring blankly. Cas had Jane bundled up in a blanket and he held her across his body, her head resting on his shoulder.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

Cas’s car had more room and was definitely cleaner. Meg sat in the back with Jane, murmuring soft words about how much the doctor would help her when they got there. Meg caught Cas looking at her in the rearview mirror at a stop light and she shook her head.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m just-”

“You’re doing great with her,” Cas said and he continued to drive.

The hospital was a tall, stiff brick building that sprawled out on each side into the newer buildings that had been added over the years. The ER was in one of the newer sections and Cas parked as close as he could to the door. Meg got out and circled around to where Cas was lifting Jane out of her seat as carefully as he could. Jane whimpered against him and real worry started to shake Meg. Meg went to the registration window and gave them all the information they asked for. Cas sat with Jane on his lap, talking softly in her ear.

“Ma’am?” The receptionist said loudly.

“Uh, sorry. What did you say?”

“What does she need to be seen for?”

“We think she has appendicitis or something like that.”

Meg handed over Jane’s cards and answered all the questions about contact information.

“A triage nurse will call you in shortly,” the receptionist said as she passed everything back to Meg.

Meg took the chair next to Cas. “A nurse will see us first, I guess.”

“Okay.”

The room was half full. Meg supposed it could be worse--she’d heard horror stories about waiting room times--but she hoped Jane would get in quick so they could figure out whatever was wrong with her.

“She’s going to be okay, Meg.”

“What? I know.”

“You’re doing fine.”

“Shut up, Cas.”

Meg stood up so she could pace. This was the exact reason she shouldn’t be in charge of a kid. Shit like this happens with kids and she didn’t have the slightest idea what to do. If Cas hadn’t come over--”

“Jane Masters?” A man in magenta scrubs called. Cas stood with Jane and Meg followed them to a little room.

“Hi. What’s going on with Jane here?”

Cas looked at Meg. _Right_ \--she was the family member, she should be the one to talk. “Uh, she came home from school with a fever and she’s complaining that her stomach hurts on the right side.”

The nurse nodded as he recorded her answer and then smiled kindly at Jane. “Hi, Jane, has it hurt for a long time?”

Jane looked at Meg and then up at Cas before she agreed. “Just today,” she said.

The nurse nodded and made more notes, asking questions along the way.

“Okay, wait here for a minute.”

The instant the door closed Jane asked, “Am I going to die?”

“No, sweetheart,” Cas said. You’re going to be fine. Sometimes we get sick and that’s all this is.”

“Yeah,” Meg said weakly. Cas looked at her strangely and mouthed _are you okay?_

“Fine,” she snapped.

The door opened again and the nurse returned with a wheelchair. “You can carry her or I brought this for you.”

“I’ve got her, Cas said. He followed behind the nurse and Meg trailed last through a hall and into a room closed off with both a curtain and a glass door.

“Jane, you get this really cool bed and control of the remote,” The nurse said as Cas laid Jane on the hospital bed. He raised the rails on the sides and handed her the remote attached to the bed. “Whatever you want to watch. The doctor will come see you in a few minutes.”

“Sit, Meg,” Cas pointed at two chairs lined up near the bed. Meg pulled one of the chairs closer to Jane and Cas did the same before he sat.

“It’s cold in here,” Jane said and Cas jumped up.

“I’ll see if they have any blankets for her,” he said before disappearing into the hall.

“Can Cas come stay with us all the time?” Jane asked.

“He already practically lives with us,” Meg said.

“I know, but he knows all the things to do.”

Meg huffed. “Right. Cas knows all the things.”

He was back just a moment later, a warm but rough blanket in his hands. “We’ll put this on top of your blanket and hopefully you’ll warm up quick.” Cas tucked the blanket around her while Meg sat there, useless.

The door opened and the curtain slid out of the way. The doctor who walked in was extremely tall, which would have been intimidating except for the bright smile on his face. He offered his hand to Cas first. “I’m Dr. Sam Winchester.” He shook Meg’s hand too. “How are you two?”

“Uh, fine.” Cas answered with a sly glance at Meg.

Dr. Winchester sat on the rolling stool and wheeled up to Jane’s side. “Hi, Jane, I’m Dr. Winchester. How are you feeling?”

“Bad. It hurts.”

“Can you show me where?”

Cas started to stand to help Jane, but Meg was faster. She helped peel back the blankets so Jane could point.

“Thanks. I’m going to feel your belly in a couple places to make sure everything is okay.” The doctor went to the sink and washed his hands, and dried them thoroughly before coming back to Jane’s side. He started on her left side and moved across until Jane cried out.

“Sorry, Jane.” He pulled the blankets back over her and Meg rubbed her shoulder.

“So,” Dr. Winchester looked from Meg to Cas. “Appendicitis can be difficult to diagnose in kids, because the symptoms are the same for some other things that cause abdominal pain. I’d like to do an ultrasound on Jane to give us a better picture of what’s going on.”

“Okay,” Meg said.

“We’ll get that done as soon as possible and then discuss what to do next after we get those results.”

“Thanks, doctor,” Cas said.

As soon as the doctor left Jane looked at Cas. “What’s an ultrasound?”

“It’s a way to take pictures of the inside of your belly so they can see what’s making you sick.”

“Is it going to hurt?”

“I don’t think so,” Cas said.

Jane raised the remote and started changing from station to station. Meg leaned back in her chair. “How much is it going to cost if she has to have surgery?” She asked Cas softly.

“She’s got state coverage and I can help with anything over that. Hospitals let you do payment plans too, or they might even forgive it because of her situation. We’ll ask if it comes to that.”

The door opened again a few minutes later and a tech in navy blue scrubs rolled a cart in. “Hi, I’m here to do an ultrasound?”

“Yes,” Meg said. She confirmed Jane’s information and the tech told Jane how to lay still for the test. Jane whimpered and then full out cried when the tech touched her affected side.

Meg tried to comfort her, but nothing she said seemed to help Jane until Cas leaned over her too. “Almost done, Jane. You’re doing such a good job,” he said.

The tech finished up and wiped the gel from Jane’s belly. “The doctor will come back after he has a chance to look at everything.”

Cas started tucking Jane back in and Meg let him. Jane responded to Cas better anyway.

Dr. Winchester returned just a few minutes later. “Good call on the appendicitis thing,” he said. “We need to take care of this now.” Meg’s head swam as he continued talking. She understood that he was telling her important things she needed to know for Jane, but she couldn’t focus. The room slowly filled with people replacing Dr. Winchester who wouldn’t be treating Jane now that she was a surgical patient. Jane had to be prepped for surgery and Meg had a million papers to sign. Appendicitis didn’t happen often in kids Jane’s age, but it was serious and they had to get her into surgery quickly--that much Meg had understood. The rest blurred together: “Medications… in-patient… inherent risk in surgery...” The medical lingo mixed into a mess in her head so she nodded along and whipped her pen across each signature line. Hopefully they all knew what the fuck they were doing because she sure didn’t.

They let her and Cas follow along with Jane as long as possible. Jane seemed equal parts scared and sleepy, the medicine they’d given her already taking effect.

“Did you tell my mom?” Jane asked, eyelids drooping.

“I’ll call to let her know.” Meg faked a smile to go along with her lie. Like Ruby would even give a shit if she found out Jane was in the hospital.

“I don’t want to go without you, Meg.”

Meg pushed Jane’s bangs back off her forehead. “Be brave. You’ll be done soon and I’ll be here to see you when it’s done.”

“And Cas?” Jane asked softly.

Meg looked back at Cas where he’d stayed back to give them some privacy. “Of course.” She squeezed Jane’s hand before they rolled her away. Someone led them to the surgical waiting room and Meg sat down, still a little disoriented. She had a giant folder in her hands filled with copies of paperwork she’d signed and more to fill out. She stared at it, wondering how it happened so fast. She knew she was responsible for Jane, and this moment left her feeling the full weight of it.

“Want some coffee or something?” Cas asked and Meg shrugged. She opened the folder and shook her head. Pages and pages of things to read, brochures, information about the procedure… How anyone ever navigated any of this without assistance she had no idea. She pulled out all the pamphlets first, and then started working through the individual sheets to determine what had to be filled out now and what could wait. A pen with the neatly printed logo of the hospital had been included in the folder and she twisted it to pop the tip and started writing. Most was simple enough--name, birthday, address-type information--but it still took a long time to fill out. She was half through the first page when Cas came back holding out a coffee to her. She stared at the cup in his hand then up at him.

“Can’t you see I’m writing?”

“Yeah, I just--y’know, take a break for a minute.”

Meg scoffed. “I can’t just take a break,” she said, and ducked her head back to her work.

“Just for a minute. I got you a muffin too. You haven’t had anything to eat.”

“I’m aware.”

“Come on, Meg, just--”

“You  know what? Just stop.” She didn’t look up, but she felt Cas stiffen in front of her. He set her drink and the muffin in its plastic wrap on the little table next to her seat. He sat next to her and she tried to focus again on the paperwork.

“I can help with that,” he said after several minutes and Meg glared.

“Go home, Cas.”

He shook his head.  “I’m not going anywhere.”

“This isn’t about you; I don’t even know why you’re here,” she said.

“I just want to help,” he said.

“Well, did you ever stop to think that maybe I don’t need your goddamn help all the time?”

“Meg--”

“I don’t need a babysitter right now. How do you not see that? Go the fuck home.”

Cas lowered his eyes and for the first time ever since she’d known him he looked unsure of himself. “I drove you here. I’m not going to leave you.”

“I’ll take a cab.”

He looked up then, but not at her. He stared out the window opposite them into the evening sky before he stood up. Meg kept her eyes down on the stack of papers in her lap.

“Can you at least text me to let me know how Jane’s doing?”

Meg nodded and Cas paused next to her. She was trying to gather herself together to tell him again to leave, but Cas went on his own without another word from her.

She couldn’t keep letting him swoop in to help every time the slightest things went wrong. It was always going to be her and Jane on their own, and it was about time she started acting like it.

 

***

 

It wasn’t long before the surgeon came out to speak with her about what he called a “routine procedure”.

“Nothing routine about an eight-year-old in the hospital,” Meg griped to herself while she waited for a nurse to take her back to recovery.

Jane’s eyes were slightly open when they got to her bed, but she would only faintly nod or shake her head in response to most things.

“That’s pretty normal,” the nurse assured Meg, but it didn’t feel normal at all. She followed the team that moved Jane to the room where she’d be for the rest of her hospital stay, Jane’s blanket from home draped over her arms. She felt lost again, even as everything was explained. Meg understood it all logically; the directions were not difficult. But the sheer volume of information they were giving her was too much to hold in her head all at once.

She was glad when they finally left her alone with the last instructions on how to call the nurse if necessary. Meg pulled a cushioned chair up next to Jane’s bedside and sat. Jane, who had so much fight and spirit, who was described by her teachers as energetic and playful, looked tiny in the bed. Sure she’d be okay. Everyone had made sure to tell Meg that, to assure her over and over that Jane would be just fine. But this was probably just the first of many things. There had to be a broken arm at some point, a fight at school, the first time someone broke up with her. There would be more tears, more things like this (and worse) to navigate and Meg felt entirely alone.

She hardly slept. With every one of Jane’s slight movement Meg jolted awake and couldn’t get back to sleep very quickly. She was starting to get used to short sleeping hours since having Jane, but waking constantly all night left her with no real rest.

“Meg?” Jane croaked. Meg forced herself more fully awake. Jane hadn’t spoken since the surgery and Meg expecting crying, but Jane smiled sleepily instead.

“Hey, kid. How’re you feeling?” she asked.

“Okay. Where’s Cas?”

“Uh, he had to go home.” _Shit._ She hadn’t thought about how she was going to tell Jane, and she hadn’t texted Cas the night before either.

“When is he coming back?”

Meg swallowed hard. “Uh, I’m not sure. Me and Cas kind of had a fight.”

“Then be friends again.” Jane said.

“It’s not that easy with grownups.”

“It is with Cas,” Jane said. “At school he says you just have to apologize and then be nice for a while.

“Well, kid, I kind of fucked this one up, okay? Cas isn’t going to want to see me any time soon.”

“Did you say sorry?”

“Drop it, okay, Jane?” Meg regretted the words the instant they left her mouth, but as she sputtered around an apology she realized Jane was falling asleep again.

She wouldn’t attempt an apology for being a bitch, but she could at least let Cas know how Jane was doing.

_**Meg: surgery went well. Jane has mostly been sleeping. Probably four more days here.** _

She set her phone on the table next to Jane and fished for her charger in her bag. Her phone beeped before she found the cord though. Cas had already responded, and Meg double checked the time. He shouldn’t be up for another hour at least.

**Cas: ty… I was worried.**

Way to make a girl feel even worse. She waited for him to offer his help again, but nothing else came after. Meg plugged her phone in, and held it a while longer thinking another text would come, but none did.

 

***

 

Meg tried Crowley twice, and left a message about needing to trade shifts with someone. She tried Andy too, but it was an hour before her shift with no response. Meg went to the nurse’s station and found the nurse in charge of Jane’s care. She had a wide welcoming smile and her name tag read Missouri.

“Hi, I’m Jane’s aunt,” Meg said. “I’m supposed to work tonight but y’know Jane is here and-”

“I understand. She’s fine here. She’s safe and we’ll take good care of her.” Missouri smiled. “A lot of family members have to work or go home to sleep. I’m sure you noticed, but sleeping on those chairs is not the best rest you can get.”

“Yeah, but Jane…”

“Will be fine,” Missouri said. “Go take care of work and come back in the morning. She’s mostly going to be sleeping anyway. She gets her medication in an hour or so and she’ll be out for the night.”

“Okay. I can get back by about four a.m.”

“Go home after work and get some sleep. You’re no good to her dead on your feet. We’ll be fine here.”

Meg nodded and went back to the room. Jane was enjoying her jello. “Hey, Jane. I have to go to work soon. I tried to cancel, but-”

“It’s fine.”

“What?”

“It’s fine.” Jane grinned. “I can watch TV all night. Did you bring my iPod?”

“No, but I can bring it back in the morning.”

“Cool,” Jane said, and took another bite of her jello.

Meg grabbed her bag and her phone charger. “Okay. I’m going then. Make sure you call the nurses if anything hurts or you need anything, or-”

“I know. Go to work.” Jane smiled at her. “I love you, Meg.”

Meg froze in place at the foot of Jane’s bed. She was a miniature Ruby aside from her easy smile. Ruby had said those words once when they were little girls huddled together while their mother drank and ranted in the other room. No one had ever sincerely said those words to her ever since.

Meg moved around the bed and bent over Jane, kissing her on the forehead. “I love you too kiddo,” she said.

On her way out she waved to Missouri at the nurse’s station and took the elevator down to the main floor. Jesus fucking christ… she forgot she didn’t have her car.

There was a valet booth just outside the hospital entrance and she went over there. “Do you guys call cabs?”

The kid standing behind the podium looked out across the parking lot. “Yeah, but sometimes they’re hanging out. Just a second.” A yellow cab appeared from far out in the lot and pulled up curbside for her.

Meg got back home with just enough time to change and head back out. She was always a couple minutes late, but this was the first time she actually had a legitimate reason. Crowley wouldn’t be there anyway on a Tuesday-

“You’re late.” Crowley stood just inside the back entrance like he’d been waiting for her.

“Yeah, well, my niece had her appendix out last night so I was at the hospital.” Meg went to stash her purse in the office and Crowley followed.

“You can still show up on time.”

“Well, I called in and you wouldn’t call me back. I needed tonight off.”

“No can do, love. No one to cover.”

Meg rolled her eyes, but did as she was told. She didn’t have the energy to argue tonight. She just wanted to make it through her shift and get out of there so she could sleep a couple hours before getting back to the hospital.

“Hey. So…” Andy started, but he backed up to let her through.

“Shut the fuck up, Andy.” Meg took up her post at the far end of the bar and glared fiercely if Andy looked like he was coming her direction. She could pour drinks without too much thought and there were plenty of nights she’d counted down the minutes until she got out of there. This was just the first time she was counting down because she had someone important waiting on her.

Crowley was gone by the time she had a break. The doctor had said Jane would likely be going home on Friday and Meg wanted to make sure to take that first night off. Besides… she didn’t have anyone to watch Jane overnight any more. Maybe she could get Andy to trade for the earlier hours and find a babysitter to cover the afterschool hours. Jesus fuck… she hadn’t even thought about what she was going to do with Jane if Cas wasn’t helping out. Meg wrote a note requesting Friday night off and left it on Crowley’s desk. She planned to follow up with a call the next afternoon. She had to work the next evening as well and if he was in she’d do whatever she had to to harass him into giving her the time off.

Meg locked up for the night and when she got out to her car she sat still in the dark. She needed a minute, no-- a goddamn week to process everything that had happened, but all she could do right then was keep doing the next thing. Get home, take a shower, pack clothes, get back to the hospital. _Don’t forget Jane’s iPod_. Try to sort through more of the information, write down questions, ask the right things, figure out what the hell she was going to do now… Meg breathed in against the sob trying to come out and pushed it all down.

She turned the key in the ignition and headed home.

Four hours wasn’t enough, but it was all the sleep she seemed to be able to get in a night. Meg took a couple of the books from Jane’s nightstand as well as the requested iPod.

She peeked in first when she got to Jane’s room in case she wasn’t up yet, but Jane was sitting up with a tray of food. “Hey, kid,” Meg said.

Jane grinned. “Hi. I get toast today.”

“Amazing,” Meg said as she dug the iPod out of her bag. “Here you go.”

Jane grabbed it from her and immediately put in her earbuds. Meg tapped her shoulder to get her attention. “Keep eating, though.”

Jane nodded and took another bite of toast.

Meg draped her jacket over the chair and went to set her bag on the table. There was a small bouquet of balloons. She knew before she checked the card that they were from Cas.

“He came last night after you left for work,” Jane said. “He brought me a bear too.” She held up a tan bear with a blue tie around his neck.

 _Of course he did,_ Meg thought. She sat down and leaned back. He and Jane should still see each other. They would see each other at school, of course, but Jane was so used to seeing him in the evenings now… Meg stopped herself from going down that path. She could only take one step at a time and there was already too much to manage with Jane and the hospital stay. She couldn’t let whatever this was with Cas clog up her head.

“I have to work tonight too, Jane.”

“I thought maybe you did.” Jane said.

“Did you do okay last night?”

“Cas came over and he taught me to play rummy. Pretty much after that I took my medicine and went to sleep.”

“Okay. I have to go back tonight but then I’ll be off until Saturday night.” Meg was determined to get Friday night out of Crowley, and she checked the time. Too early to call if she expected an actual answer.

“Cas left the deck of cards if you want me to teach you how to play,” Jane said and Meg looked up.

“Sure. Finish your breakfast and then we’ll play cards.”

 

***

 

Meg came out of Jane’s bathroom in her work clothes and stuffed her other clothes in her bag. “Same thing as we did last night, Jane. I’ll be back as soon as I can in the morning, okay?”

Jane nodded, but she was busy with the iPod. Meg ruffled her hair and squeezed her shoulder. They were going to be okay. Sure she’d cried in her car that morning, but after spending the day with Jane playing cards, sneaking short naps, and talking about the books Jane was reading Meg felt okay about the whole thing for the first time since Jane had come to stay with her. She waved goodbye to Missouri and headed down the hall feeling like she had a handle on the important parts. She stepped into the elevator, ready for the night ahead.

Meg spotted Cas just as she reached her car. Her hand stilled on the door handle and she watched him as he walked toward the sprawling building. He glanced up just as he passed her and stopped.

“Hi,” he said. “How’s our girl?”

Meg’s mouth went dry. What was she supposed to do? Apologize? Talk to him like normal--like she hadn’t screamed him out of the waiting room 48 hours earlier?

“Good,” She managed. “You should go see her.” Meg pulled her door open and got in. Cas stood still in the parking lot until Meg pulled out and left him behind.

Crowley called her into his office the second she opened the door.

“What’s this?” He held up her note.

“I have to have Friday off. I might be able to give you an extra shift next week if someone can trade, but I need to be off that night.”

“I need you here.”

“My niece is getting out of the hospital that day and I’m staying home with her.”

“I don’t think you understand, you work on Friday or you don’t work at all.”

Meg rolled her eyes and laughed. “Right. You’re going to fire me because I’m taking care of my sick kid.”

“I’m going to fire you for not showing up for your shift.”

“You can’t just-”

Crowley smiled. On him it was sinister instead of kind and he knew it. “See what happens if you don’t come in on Friday.”

“Well, let me just give you a heads up,” Meg said, her lips twisting up into a smirk. “I won’t be here on Friday. Looks like I can’t stay tonight either. Sorry about that.” She turned and walked out, satisfied by the few sputtered words she heard from Crowley before she walked out.

Meg didn’t start shaking until she hit the first stop light. _Holy fucking shit…_ she couldn’t have _no job_. She couldn’t raise a kid with _no job_. She couldn’t pay for the apartment or the lights or the fucking hospital bills they were going to have after this whole thing was said and done.

Meg drove around while trying to decide where to go or what to do, but she was too numb to make a real decision. Going home meant being alone and she couldn’t do that. She drove aimlessly until she was sure Jane would be asleep. When she got to the hospital parking lot Cas’s car was gone.

She waved casually to the nurses at the nurse’s station like everything was fine and when she sneaked into Jane’s room it was mostly dark and Jane was fast asleep, cheeks flushed in sleep. Meg took up her post in the chair at her bedside.

There were a few new books on the table--from Cas, she assumed--and a large card. On the front it said GET WELL SOON in bright cheery letters and the inside was decorated with notes and names from her class. Meg could easily picture Jane’s excitement over receiving a card from her class, and she blinked back tears. What the fuck…

Jane was the most important thing. Not just because she was sick, and not just because she was Meg’s responsibility now. Meg worried for her, wanted the best for her, _loved_ her… it was a weight and a burden lifted all at once to recognize that it was the two of them together now, forever.

There were a hundred places she could bartend or waitress around the city and if that’s what she had to do she would make it work. If she had to she would leave the bass thing behind for a while. They could make it. Together.

 

***

 

“Okay, kid. I stocked up on soup for you and-”

“No more soup,” Jane groaned. “I want pizza.”

“Not yet. Plain stuff for a little while still.” Meg pointed to the couch. “Sit. You still have to rest through the weekend so you can go to school on Monday.”

Jane laid down and reached for the remote. “Can I still watch as much as I want?”

Meg smiled. “Until Sunday night.”

She heated enough soup for the two of them, and they sat together on the couch to eat. Jane was flagging after making it through the whole day without a nap. She’d go to bed pretty early and then Meg could work on her job hunt.

She didn’t see a reason to mention it to Jane. Not yet. If they ended up having to move Meg’d have to tell her, but Jane already had enough to worry about. She wasn’t about to add to the stack of problems in such a young child’s life.

After Meg helped Jane get a shower and settled her into bed she took her laptop to the couch. She had to find somewhere to work, even if it was just until she could find something better. Maybe she could even find something during the day so she wouldn’t have to worry about finding someone to help with Jane after school. Meg searched for a few places around town that might be hiring, but didn’t find any leads. She could drive around after she got Jane to school Monday morning looking for “help wanted” signs, too.

Cas would tell her everything would be okay. That’s what he would have done. And then he’d help her look and probably find the goddamn job for her.

Fucking christ she missed him.

Meg started a text, but if she was going to apologize she needed to say it. She hit dial instead and got sent to voicemail. She only had a few seconds to wonder if he purposely didn’t take her call, but then his message was over and she had to talk.

“Uh, Cas. It’s Meg. Jane is home now and I thought you should know. I mean, she probably already told you, but we’re home.” Meg took a deep breath before she continued. “I think I have some things figured out with Jane now, and you helped with that. You’ve helped with everything and… and I pushed you away from us.” Meg slowed down, and swiped at the tears on her cheek. “I guess I’m saying that I miss you, Clarence. I doubt you miss me after how I treated you, but I thought you should know.”

She hung up, but held onto the phone hoping he would call back. She had no right to expect that out of him, but it didn’t stop her from thinking he might consider it.

Meg went about the evening, checking on Jane again before she got into her own bed. It felt strange to be in bed at a “decent” hour, and even as exhausted as she was from the previous week she wasn’t sure she could actually sleep.

Her phone rang and she answered right away. “Clarence?”

“No, Chuck, actually.”

“Oh my fucking god-”

“Before you hang up! I’m not trying to ask you out!”

Meg sighed loudly into the phone. “Then why are you calling me again?”

“Uh… the bass? You’re really good, and I’m looking for a bass player.”

“For what?” Meg’s anger started to fade and nerves set in.

“We’re starting this new project and it’s, uh… we’re looking for someone like you who plays dynamically.” Chuck stuttered before he could get to his next idea. “I mean, I want you to audition, but if you like us, if you think we all fit the job is yours. Paid gig.”

“I have a kid.”

“Uh, okay. That’s cool.”

“Like I would need to know when we’re doing this. Recording during the day? Gigs at night?”

“Oh, uh, we’re in the process of writing right now, so we’re together during the days mostly.”

“And I just audition for this and you pay me to play bass for you.”

“That’s pretty much the idea.”

“When can I come in?” Meg asked as she got out of bed for a notepad and a pen. She wrote down the details for an audition the next day, and when she hung up with Chuck she sank onto the bed staring at the directions in her hand. Maybe everything would be okay after all. At least the audition was a start in the right direction.

 

**EIGHT YEARS LATER**

“So. Meg Masters,” Kelly Ripa smiled brightly. “We all know your music backwards and forwards by now, but we want to know more about you. The real you. What makes you excited to get up in the morning?”

“Well, my music obviously,” Meg answered and the crowd cheered. She hard learned to say the right thing instead of the snide thing, but sometimes she managed to make those two harmonize. “But I have a daughter who is everything to me.”

Kelly looked at the screen behind her and Meg turned to look too. There was Jane, all dark hair and dark eyes behind her drum kit. She was only 16 but her maturity was reflected in her eyes and the way she carried herself. “So she’s following in the family footsteps?”

“Jane likes to go where there are no footsteps,” Meg said and the audience laughed while Kelly nodded knowingly.

“Spoken like the true mother of a teenager. What about you though? Any special person in your life?”

The crowd whistled and Meg smiled, her dark painted lips twisting up to one side.

“Maybe there is?” Kelly asked.

“You know, there was, once. He was this gorgeous, practically mythical man with blue eyes you could swim in and just-- oh-- just perfection. But that was a long time ago. I don’t know if you run into that twice in one lifetime.”

Kelly dropped her mouth comically wide and covered it with a dainty hand. “Who is this mythical man from your past?”

“He knows who he is and he would say something if he wanted anyone to know.”

Kelly fanned herself. “Mythical Man! Do you hear this woman’s words? She needs you!” The audience cheered and Kelly laughed and leaned in to Meg, offering her a handshake.

“Thanks so much for talking with us today. Meg Masters, everyone!”

Meg stood and waved to everyone. Kelly leaned in to say another thank you in her ear while the camera went to commercial.

“What a great segment! Thank you so much for coming,” Kelly said. “I have to know who he is,” she said as they walked backstage together. Jane sat back in the green room, Cas next to her.

Kelly introduced herself and shook Jane’s hand then Cas’s.

“Why do you always do that?” Jane asked Meg as she stood up.

“What?” Meg laughed.

Jane tipped her chin down and pretended a lower voice than she had. “He’s a mythical perfect man and I’ll never have another chance.”

“Uh, yeah. I’m right here,” Cas said. “You haven’t been able to shake me in years.”

“You’re…” Kelly’s mouth fell open again. “Mythical Man...”

Cas rolled his eyes at Meg. “See what you’ve done?”

“I’m just protecting that anonymity you asked for when the band got big.”

“So say your family life is private.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Meg asked with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, y'all. Thanks for reading! I greatly appreciate your comments and I'd love to talk to you if you come say hi on [tumblr](http://www.tellthenight.tumblr.com)


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